I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, and I decided to write it now since all these ideas are rattling around in my head. It’s almost been my second week of being back in school, and I just want to express these emotions that I am feeling. But, first let me go through my past educational turmoils.
For the past three semesters, I was taking science major classes. Fall semester of freshman year I took chemistry, psychology, neuroscience, and a writing class. Spring semester of freshman year I took chemistry 1, cell biology, world literature, and another writing class (required). Last semester, in the fall, I took a neuroscience class, a history class, an organic chemistry class, and a calculus class. Those three semesters made me HATE college. I struggled in most of my classes, mostly the sciences. The only classes I did good in (and I genuinely liked) were the humanities, specifically the writing classes. Each semester made me hate my chosen major of neuroscience, and made me hate my career path in general; I wanted to become a surgeon.
I got so discouraged and so depressed with the work, I almost took this semester off. Literally, I had it all set up. But, then I decided to take random classes that I would be interested in. So, I randomly enrolled in these classes: Introduction to Education, Creative Writing, Critics of the Enlightenment, and a research history class. I must say, I am so glad that I did that. Although I love certain aspects of neuroscience, I love these classes even more.
I’ve been feeling so alive the past two weeks. I feel confident, intelligent, and happy. To top it all off, I thought these classes were completely random, but they all intertwine with each other. For example, in my history class my professor is teaching us to use our imagination in history and to analyze it in a different context; that’s exactly what I do when I read classical literature. I love close reading, and I like to think of the most abstract ideas of a story. Coincidentally, we are going to close read in my creative writing class. Also, funny enough, I was chatting with my best friend back at home, who is a huge literary lover, and we were discussing poetry. I told her, before I went to my first Creative Writing class, I wanted to read more poetry and learn about a certain poet. I learned in the first day of class that we would focus a lot on poetry, and for a project we needed to pick a certain poet and reflect on them. I love the Universe and its weird ways. Also, in my Education class we are emphasizing on writing, specifically journal writing, and we will be focusing a lot on philosophy (from the Enlightenment…which, weirdly enough, is the class that I am taking) AND neuroscience ideas. How funny that all the things that I love and I am interested in intertwines with each other!
I feel so encouraged to go to class, and to participate in class. In my old classes, I kept to myself because I was very unsure of the answers asked. But, in these classes I participate a lot and I feel confidence ooze off me. Sometimes I walk out of a class smiling and I feel myself radiating positivity.
I have been meditating every morning, and I have been focusing on these aspects. I’ve been asking the Universe to give me positivity, happiness, courage, love, confidence, and to love and do well in my classes. I have also asked to make new friends in college, and I’m really seeing take place in my life.
I love seeing my life transform into my very eyes, and I believe it’s because I’m making the best decisions. For a while, I was around a person who told me my life did not belong in a college setting, and they even downplayed my intelligence. It really made me feel self-conscious and upset because my intelligence was different from what they believe “intelligence” is. I see my strengths in more of the humanities of education. I thrive on feelings, on thoughts, on creative aspects that are taught. One of my weaknesses is logical thoughts and reason. But, that’s okay. They also made me second guess my thoughts, and I wouldn’t say much of what I was thinking because I know that they would just put everything down. Quite recently I learned that my thoughts are as important as anybody else’s thoughts, and I should speak my mind no matter what.
Bottom line is this: You are what YOU set out to be. Don’t let anybody, or anything, make you believe that you are something that you are not. The only person who TRULY knows yourself is…yourself! I want you to pursue your passions wholeheartedly, and don’t worry about anything. The Universe will always provide for you; you just need faith.
Sorry there hasn’t been posts. I have been really busy, and, quite honestly, I haven’t been spending much time on the computer. Since I just moved back into college and this past week has been my first week of classes, I’ve been more focused on school, friends, and figuring out a mess that I am currently in. Also, I have been working on the post of The Secret, which I am trying to make as perfect as possible.
That being said, I’m just going to make a quick post on what will be featured in the next couple months on my blog. Since I have a creative writing class, I will be publishing my works on here. I have to write a poem/a short story every week, and I will most definitely post my pieces of work on here. I will also discuss my thoughts, ideas, and development as a writer; I don’t know if you know this but this blog is meant to work on my writing, and to also help inspire and educate individuals about interesting thoughts and ideas in my head.
I’ve been focusing a lot on quotes with writing, and seeing how my connection with writing fits into the context of the quote. There is one specific quote that I found yesterday that resonates with me. It is: “You own everything that happened to you. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better”. Writers tend to write about their personal life; how they feel about things, people, events, ideas, etc. Their perception of that object can never be wrong. Writers also tend to write for themselves. That being said, there is a good chance that I will write about people who are close to me, you might get offended, or you might be flattered. But the way I write about you and how I perceive you is who I really see you as, and there is no wrong or right. I could potentially write about you, dear reader, and I’m sorry if I paint you in a negative light. It does not mean you are a negative person, it’s because you’ve treated me in a way that I see to be negative.
I have a book idea in mind that is going to completely distort a person, but I’m doing it to reach out to those who were in my situation; trapped. I write about my experiences and my thoughts in hopes to resonate with a reader who needs that help, and I want to provide an inspirational story to help them get through it. I am a writer, I write about what I know is true.
And now, time for a poem!
I just cannot even describe how I feel right now. I feel absolutely incredible! For the first time in a couple of months I feel happy and bubbly and just…absolutely wonderful. I am in such high spirits, and I really want to write about it because there is a reason why this is so.
I know I keep talking about The Secret, and I keep promising I will write a lengthy, informational post; well, this isn’t it. I promise it’ll come this week; something to keep my readers looking forward to, eh? 😉 Well, in this post, I want to talk about The Secret and how truly extraordinary it is.
I had to go into work today. The last time I was in work, it was a mess. I kept messing up orders, my bosses got angry with me, and I was just mentally exhausted and done. When I woke up this morning, I kept hoping that today would not be like last time. I had 15 minutes to spare after I got ready, so I decided I should meditate. I meditated for about 7 minutes, just focusing on attracting the positive and repelling the negative. I kept telling myself that I would have great day at work, I would have great customers, I would be positive, and the time would fly by.
I literally had the best customers ever. Most of them complimented me on my hard work, my lovely personality, and how amiable I was. One table, just two guys, stopped to have a conversation with me after I was done serving them. The one guy asked me what my major was, and I told him I was an education and history major. He smiled and told me,”I knew it! We were debating about what you were studying, and I told him education! You seem like a wonderful person to be with children; I’m sure they love you!” That comment is what started this awesome day. You see, I just recently switched majors (from neuroscience to education), and I keep wondering if I was meant to do it. Another man, one of my last tables, was apparently a CEO of a charter school in my area, and said he would hire me, after I told him I was an education major; he gave me his card. I love how the universe just handed me these people; it further made me believe that this was the right path for me.
The last table that I will tell you about is my favorite one to tell. It was a group of 6 and I served them as best as I could. When I gave them their check, the one lady said,” You were absolutely what we needed today. My mother recently passed away and we were all feeling down in the dumps. We were just talking about your bubbly and sunny personality, and how great it must be to have you around.” It really touched me. I made a difference in somebody’s day. I made somebody feel better. And, most importantly, they related me to the sun. My blog is named Forever Sunshine because (now I’m going to tell you a secret!) that’s my favorite name to be called. I know if somebody calls me Sunshine, they truly care about me and it makes me feel like I am a sun in their life. Some of the most important people in my life call(ed) me sunshine. When the table left, they stopped me, and asked if I could go home with them and just be positive.
I didn’t know how much meditation worked until now. I believe it honestly made a great deal of difference today, and also made me attract all these wonderful people. Even the cook, who is usually quiet towards me, even said I was really happy; actually…he just asked me what I was on because he wants some of it, too. It just feels incredible to receive these awesome feelings, and to know that I am in charge of how I feel every single day in my life. I believe that I will meditate every day before I start the day, just so I can make my day a whole lot easier. I highly suggest that you do, too!
Sorry if I’ve been kind of slacking on writing. I promise within the next couple of days I’ll finish my Les Mis series post, and insert a post that I’ve been working on; it’s the reason why I have been lacking in my writing here. I’ve been talking about The Secret with a bunch of people, and a close friend isn’t familiar with it. I told her that I would post on my blog a summary of it instead of having her read the book, or watch the documentary. I felt like it would be good for her, good for me because then I can understand the concepts better, and good for those who read. Instead of writing, I’ve been rereading The Secret and I have been highlighting points that I want to include in the post. So, until then, here’s my resolutions for the next year!:
- Have a jar that collects all my favorite moments, quotes, and ideas of 2013
- Write every day (whether it be on my novel, on here, in my diary, or for school)
- Have at least 5 posts a week
- Do meditation once a day (and eventually twice a day) for 10-15 minutes each session
- Cook more and learn new recipes
- Be more positive and confident
- Read more and watch more documentaries
- Eat more healthy
- Exercise more (I used to go to the gym all the time, and now I’m slacking off. This needs to stop)
- Limit my complaining and accepting life as it is
- Finish my first novel (3 years has been long enough)
- Limit tumblr and facebook to an hour a day (both websites together)
- Limit watching shows and movies on 1channel.ch, probably only using the website on weekends.
- Make new friends (such a great resolution!)
- Having a normal sleep schedule and waking up semi-early
Most of my resolutions are just tweaks in my every day life. I’ve gotten into some bad habits, like snacking and going to bed at 5 and sleeping until noon. I’m hoping that I have the motivation to keep these up and fix them. If I do, it can lead into a more positive lifestyle which could help me immensely.
Before I do my next post on the themes of Les Mis, I had an inspiration to write a post on synchronicity. I am sure I will do many posts on it since basically my entire life has been one giant synchronicity (and yours has too!) and I’m currently reading a book to learn more about it.
I’m sure many of you are wondering,”Synchronicity, what is it?”. Now, I could be really sassy and just tell you to wikipedia it, or dictionary.com it, but I shall tell you before I go in depth with my tales! It’s a term that comes from Carl Jung and he describes it as “a string of coincidences that occur in multiple events”. The way that I describe it is in one word: signs. I learned this term only recently, about 6 months ago, but I realized synchronicity has been happening in my life many times before then. Back in high school, I would get reoccurring “signs” about things important to me; the major one being about Boston. Time in and time out I remember the word “Boston” would appear randomly on everything; I’d be walking throughout Philly and I’d see about 10 Boston sports paraphernalia, or I would flip randomly to a page in my French text book and the word Boston would occur in the text (true story!). Reading through this, you might be thinking of something similar, am I right?
Well, what does this mean? It’s the Universe speaking to you on its own terms. It’s trying to point you in the right direction, telling you where your fate is. Synchronicity is the Universe guiding you on your life path, so that you can fulfill your life’s purpose. Ever since I became more spiritually “aware”, synchronicity has been all around me. I’ll think of somebody and, moments later, they will appear; it’ll even be somebody who I haven’t seen in a while. For example, yesterday I was going to the mall and randomly thought of my friend who was visiting in a nearby town. Later, I run into that same girl in the mall; what are the chances?!
The event that inspired me to make this post was something that happened today.
Yesterday I was browsing through the bookstore’s magazines, and a magazine caught my eye. It was a magazine called “Mind, Body, Spirit”, and this wasn’t the first time that I was buying this magazine. I bought it a time before, and absolutely loved all the articles within it! Then, today, I was reading it, and I closed the magazine just staring at the image on the front, and letting my thoughts roam.I thought it was so inspiring, I wanted to post a picture of it on Facebook when I got back from work.I got to the point where I looked him up on the internet, and realized, that I’ve seen his work before! I saw it one day on Tumblr, and I thought it was awesome that his images were reintroduced into my life.
Then when I came back from work, I went on Facebook to see what was new, and I saw this post from highexistence.com’s facebook page:
I did a double take! I could not believe that this was actually happening; I grew a little bit excited. Sometimes I think the Universe does this to me in order to amuse me..and, believe me, it’s working because I started to laugh a little.
Strange coincidences like this is an amazing thing, and all somebody needs to do is just become more spiritually aware of your surroundings. Big or little, these things really do make such a great difference in one’s life. It’s a way of the Universe telling you,” Hey, you’re on the right path” and “you’re becoming one with the Universe, good job!”. Whomever said life isn’t beautiful or worth it hasn’t been through the things that I go through every day. Things like this is what motivates me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically because I know that the Universe is on my side, and always will be.
Ever since I saw The Other Boleyn Girl in 10th grade, I fell in love with the person that Anne Boleyn was. From then on she was my role model, and I kind of grew obsessed with her. I read infinite amount of books about her (both fictional and non-fictional), I’ve seen documentaries, I’ve read online articles and posts about her, and recently my university is doing a play about her which I am dying to see.
Lately I’ve been feeling as if I’m not living up to “Anne Boleyn” standards. Before I explain what I mean by that, let me first define what makes her an awesome role model. I know that a lot of people find Anne Boleyn to be an interesting role model, only because they see her in the sense that Henry VIII destroyed England’s religious ties with Catholicism…but let me remind you that it was Henry’s weakness that did that. To me, Anne Boleyn was a strong, independent woman who was ambitious, determined, and intelligent. She wanted what was best for her, and she rocked at doing it.She figured out the art of manipulation and figuring out how to get to point A to point B. She was determined to be the best and to get everything she deserved she should have.
And I feel like I understand her better than the average person. Ever wondered why she didn’t truly love Henry (one can see her as almost heartless, manipulative, materialistic, and using him for status) ? She was once in love with another Henry (Henry Percy to be exact) and they got married without consent of the king. They had to separate because their families got angry and refused to let them marry. In a historical sense, Anne and Henry Percy had a “true love” (for example when he had to condemn her as guilty in her trial, he actually fainted). She was forced to not be with the one who she loves, and I have been through that in my life…that and my love life is always shit. She figured she can’t be with the man she loves, but she can have something else to fill that gaping hole; a highly regarded position. Since the king valued her, wanting to become queen was a natural idea to her.
I used to see myself as an Anne Boleyn type of girl, but lately everything that she stands for is suppressed. Maybe it’s because I’m in “love” (now I’m kind of falling out of love so I am changing) and I have been tamed, but once I lose that I can easily see myself slip into what she went through. I’ve had enough bad tales with love that I can’t deal to love again, and I would ideally like to cover that hole with something that could be considered as more artificial. At least I know that things will never leave me like a potential person. I’ve gotten to the point where I know when I meet someone I will be shocked if they stay for a while; everybody leaves. I’ve stopped with the expectation of people staying with me long-term, and, to be honest, I’ve stopped caring.
I feel myself slipping into apathy because I hate feeling things; people just take my feelings for granted. I can’t deal with them on my own, so it’s just natural defense for me to shut everything out and pretend I don’t feel. Nobody told me life would be this rough.